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Social Justice

My son mysteriously vanished 17 years ago – Christmas is just another reminder he's gone

People are more likely to go missing over the festive season. Missing People's helpline is there to help people if they need it. Kevin Godsen, whose son disappeared 17 years ago, says he does not know if he would be here without it

andrew gosden, who went missing 17 years ago

Andrew Gosden as a child (left) alongside a police illustration of what he might look like as an adult. Image: Missing People

Christmas is another day of anxiety and grief for Kevin Gosden, whose 14-year-old son Andrew disappeared without trace nearly two decades ago. “Days like Christmas, his birthday, the day he went missing, are days you dread,” Kevin says. “We always light a candle for him on those days.”

Andrew Gosden went missing in September 2007 after he skipped school and took a train from Doncaster to London. He was last seen on CCTV at Kings Cross station and his family have been in “perpetual hell” not knowing what happened to him since.

“As each year passes, I feel I’m further away from having the slightest idea why he disappeared in the first place, what he was thinking, and the possibility of anyone ever giving us a plausible lead on what could have happened seems further away,” Kevin says.

Andrew was a cheerful boy – the family called him Roo because he was little and bouncy – and as he got older his conversation tended to be littered with quotes from comedies stretching back to the 80s like Monty Python. He was quiet, thoughtful and brilliant academically. 

“He was lovely,” his father says, and that is why the family misses him so much.

“My wife always says, it is like someone stabbing you in the guts with a knife in the street. Usually you’d get taken to hospital. They’d stitch you up. It would heal over time, and she was like walking around every day with the knife still in your gut and regularly being twisted to cause you more pain. I guess we all feel like that. It’s like walking around with an open wound.”

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Every 90 seconds in the UK, a person is reported missing. Around 170,000 people are reported missing annually, but the statistics are believed to be significant underestimates with many missing person cases not reported to the police at all. 

“Sometimes there are people who are missing who are very vulnerable, like someone who’s homeless or has another issue in their life, and nobody’s looking for them,” says Martha McBrier, helpline manager at Missing People. “Nobody notices them. Nobody misses them.”

The helpline takes calls from people who are missing and their loved ones. Sometimes people are facing a mental health crisis, fleeing from domestic violence, or experiencing other pressures. They often take calls from young people in care, or being exploited or bullied, who want to run away.

“Sadly, for a lot of people, one of the reasons they’re leaving is they intend to make an attempt to take their own life. We’re a confidential service, but we talk to people about other options they have and send help if that’s what they would like. You never know what you’re going to get until you pick up the phone,” McBrier says. 

Kevin has called the Missing People helpline on a number of occasions when he has faced moments of mental health crisis, looking for a listening ear. “I’ve had depression ever since,” he remarks, “and anxiety like you wouldn’t believe, the type that literally paralyses you to the point you can’t think.”

The 58-year-old was driven to attempt to take his own life once. He wanted to disappear too. It “frightens” him that other people may feel the same.

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Up to eight in 10 missing adults will have a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health problem, and it means Christmas is a time of year when people are at a heightened risk of going missing.

“It is a very difficult time for people, especially with the additional financial burdens,” McBrier says. “It can highlight things that are problematic in someone’s life that they’re struggling with. That could be family or other relationships that aren’t going well and are causing stress. 

“At this time of year, when everybody’s talking about getting family around the table, for a lot of people that’s not the case. It highlights how isolated and lonely people are.”

Missing People has launched its Home for Christmas campaign, asking people to donate so they can continue their life-saving work to support missing people and their loved ones.

“We’re very mindful of people who are vulnerable and who are homeless at this time of year, who may be missing, and nobody cares, but we care,” McBrier says. 

There is nothing like the experience of elation she feels when a missing person is found. And fortunately, in the majority of missing persons cases, people are found within the first 24 hours. 

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But Kevin is still searching for answers, as this Christmas will be another without Andrew. 

Christmases were lively for the Gosden family when Andrew and his sister were growing up – Kevin laughs that they had a habit of adopting “wayward strays” who were otherwise going to be alone. But one rare year, it was just the four of them celebrating for a change, and Andrew and his sister had asked if they could do chicken dippers instead of turkey on Christmas Day. His parents were happy to oblige and it was possibly the kids’ best Christmas ever.

Andrew would be in his 30s now, and his sister has gone on to have a family of her own. The Christmases of their childhoods are long gone.

“If there is a stone we haven’t looked under for our Andrew, I don’t know where it is,” Kevin says. He hopes one day, someone will remember something and come forward, to bring them a resolution. 

“When you give in to your fears you stop searching, stop fighting, stop caring, stop trying to do what is right,” Kevin says. “But while you refuse to give in to fear, you persevere with those things and that is what keeps hope alive.”

Missing People’s Helpline is open seven days a week from 9am – 11pm, for free and in confidence, for anyone affected by a disappearance. Call or text 116 000 or email 116000@missingpeople.org.uk

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Find out how to donate to Missing People’s Home for Christmas campaign here.

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