My son was stabbed to death by his girlfriend. He didn't know how to escape domestic abuse

Growing up, Kasey Anderson was a happy, active, sociable boy. He played for Everton’s academy, preferred spending days fishing to nights partying, and took the younger children on the estate in Croxteth, Liverpool, where he lived with his dad Graham, step-mum Jacqui, sister Molly and brother Connor, under his wing.

“He was so caring,” Molly says. “Once he loved you, he loved you with his whole heart.” 

But on 11 March 2023, aged just 24, Kasey was stabbed in the heart by his partner of six years, Natalie Bennett, then 47. He died in hospital just under three weeks later. 

Kasey’s friends and relatives say that his murder “destroyed” them. “Kasey should still be here enjoying his life with us, but instead, we’re trying to piece together our lives and trying to figure out how to go on without him,” Jacqui says. 

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Now, the family are working to raise awareness of male experiences of domestic abuse, and to demand an end to the dearth of support services available to men and their loved ones. CEO Sharne Williams and manager Nicola Cullen of the Paul Lavelle Foundation, a charity that they founded in 2020 to support male victims and survivors in memory of their friend, who was also murdered by his female partner in 2018, say that the victimisation of men is far more common than many believe. 

One in four women and one in six men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, and men comprise approximately a third of all victims. In 2023, Merseyside Police received 8,400 reports of domestic abuse involving a male victim from a total of 33,539, up from 7,166 from a total of 32,952 in 2022.

Men are also more likely to die by suicide during or after an abusive relationship. Yet of the 4,385 refuge spaces for domestic abuse victims available in England as of 2023, just 78 are available to men. 

I said to his face, ‘She’s going to end up killing you, lad. You need to stop this and get away’

Graham noticed changes in his son’s behaviour just a few months after his relationship with Bennett began. “The smile had gone,” he says. “The jokes had gone.” He no longer seemed “happy to be alive” and “he was always worried, scared”.

His appearance also began to change – where he had once been clean-shaved and well-dressed, he began reusing clothes and grew a beard. Then he began coming home with scratches, a “big fat lip”, and “huge” black eyes.

Bennett’s former partner would also start fights with Kasey, which his family say Kasey tried to avoid but Bennett encouraged, and on one occasion, he stabbed Kasey in the back. 

“He was like a ghost,” says Molly, who describes Kasey as “the perfect big brother”. “Everything about him changed. It was like he was haunted.” 

“I said to his face, ‘She’s going to end up killing you, lad. You need to stop this and get away before she kills you,’” Graham says. “Kasey wanted to get away, but he couldn’t – he didn’t know how, even though we all tried.” 

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This is a common experience for victims of domestic abuse. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline reports that it takes victims an average of seven attempts to leave before they are able to break free of an abusive relationship. As illustrated by contributors to the #WhyIStayed campaign, which began on X (formerly Twitter) in 2014 to raise awareness of the barriers to leaving abusive relationships, this can be for many reasons, including fear.

In 2022-23, 37,800 households were made homeless or at risk of homelessness due to leaving an abusive relationship, and 75% of domestic homicides occur during or after a victim’s attempt to leave. 

For men, the barriers can be even steeper due to increased stigma and a “huge gap in services”, Williams says. Men are also less likely to acknowledge that what they are experiencing is abuse, partly due to coercive control, defined in law as ‘repeated or continued behaviour that is controlling or coercive’, did not become a criminal offence until 2015 – though Williams and Cullen stress that around half of their service users have also experienced physical abuse. 

Female perpetrators are also more likely to use weapons or involve relatives in physical assaults. 

Bennett also manipulated Kasey to isolate him from his support network. “She told him, ‘They don’t love you; the only person who can love you properly is me,’” Molly says. “It got to the point where he was saying, ‘I don’t need you all; all I need is Natalie.’” 

“He thought his family didn’t love him,” Jacqui says, “and we can’t tell him that’s not true. We’ll never see him live his life the way he should have – the way he deserved to live his life.” 

The family was retraumatised by the criminal proceedings. Bennett – initially arrested on suspicion of malicious wounding, then charged first with attempted murder and then murder following the emergence of Ring doorbell footage and a transcript of a call that Kasey made to 999 after the attack – blamed Kasey during her trial. 

“She absolutely destroyed him in court,” Graham says. 

“She made out that he was a horrible, horrible lad.” This is also a tactic commonly used by abusers, often referred to as DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). 

“I never saw a tear drop off her face,” Molly says, adding that Kasey “never once said a bad word about her”, lying about his injuries to protect her reputation. “That showed the difference between who was the monster and who wasn’t.” 

Bennett, who was sentenced to 18 years in prison after just 10 minutes of jury deliberation, is currently appealing the ruling, which Graham believes is already insufficient. 

“She should have got 25, 30 years,” he says. “If that had been a man to a woman, that’s how it would be.” 

Molly shared a video about Kasey’s death to her TikTok account, urging victims not to leave their families “crying at a picture wishing they could [have] done more”.

Molly says that several users left comments saying that they were preparing to leave an abusive relationship as a result of the video. 

To men currently experiencing abuse, Graham says, “You’re not weak to come forward and try to get help. Don’t think you’re weak and people will laugh at you. 

“It could save your life, and you’ll not end up like my son, whose life was taken at 24 years of age. 

“I’ll never see him grow up, have children – and he loved children; she took all that away. She took his life, and she took him away from his family and his friends.” 

The Paul Lavelle Foundation advises people to look out for signs of domestic abuse in their loved ones and colleagues – including changes in behaviour, self-isolation, receiving excessive texts and calls from partners, appearing anxious or fearful about making plans, adhering to a curfew, and coming in to work late or tired, appearing depressed, and a decline in performance – and to seek support as soon as possible. 

Contact the Men’s Advice Line at 0808 801 0327 or email info@mensadviceline.org.uk 10am-5pm Monday to Friday.

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